It's a miracle


	IT´S A MIRACLE Zeng Peng Student, Beijing Language Institute
[Danish Version]	My old grandfather´s health is rapidly deteriorating. He has had several close calls with death during the past 30 years. His activities are limited to the living-room and kitchen areas and his only form of expression is a grunting pout and a wave of the left hand. The doctors have vividly compared his brain to that of a dinosaur from the Cretaceous Period - slumbering and shrivelled like a flower that never really bloomed. It´s a peculiar thing but no matter how big I have grown or however long I have been away he always begins to cry as soon as he sees me - and I break down every time. He acquired his handicap during the Cultural Revolution. The Head of the Cultural Department in the Yunnan Province had had such a heavy workload that his once so elegant stature became hump-backed and crippled. His surviving comrades pity him when they see him. Moreover, they can't help thinking what a ´miracle` it is, that a person who has been partially paralysed and suffering dementia for 30 years is still alive at the beginning of a new millenium! We too find it difficult to comprehend that such a feeble, broken body and soul has lasted this long. But this is not so much about him as about my grandmother. My image of her from my teenage years is just like her appearance - all dried up and and faded. She could talk but I can´t remember a single word she spoke; she could move around but I never saw her anywhere other than in my grandfather´s kitchen and living-room; She wasn´t deaf but we had to shout at the top of our voices before she could understand us; she did eat but not until everyone else had finished and left the table, then she would straighten her back, reach out with her crooked arm after the leftovers and gobble them up.....Who was she? Was she just my grandmother? She was the one who stood by my grandfather´s side through trying times; she was the one who looked after her handicapped husband for 30 years! But who was she really? As I was growing up, I lived with my grandmother for three years. I don't have many impressions from that period of my childhood; I was totally oblivious to any hardship As I grew older, my mother began to discuss things with me and my uncle looked enquiringly at me. What is it...? I thought I had done something wrong. "You are becoming more and more like Grandma." My uncle nodded. "Me look like Grandma! I don´t think so". In my minds eye I could see Grandma´s dehydrated face, a vision that instinctively made me reject the comparison. "You are going to be just as pretty as Grandma. In her young day, your grandmother was the most beautiful woman in the entire theatre- group". Beautiful! My granny! I don´t know why but I could only see my grandmother in the present, old and grey, as she had always looked to me - I just couldn´t associate Granny with beauty. "Why do you think such an important man as Grandad would choose Grandma? He was in charge of the theatre-group, he could have had any woman he wanted". My mother had awakened my curiosity. I had been so busy criticising my grandparents - Grandad and Grandma, just what was the story of their lives? As luck would have it, I met my first love, a third year highs-school student, at the tender age of 18. My mother just couldn´t keep quiet about it. She just had to tell the whole family when we were all gathered at home for New Year. Heavens above! I was so embarrased when my little sister told me what she had done - how could she? To throw my personal secrets onto the dinner-table for the consumption of everyone, so to speak! My mother and I had an argument about it and Grandma heard us. "Come here my friend, let me tell you something". I was dumbfounded; just out of the blue, granny wanted to speak with me for the first time in 18 years(Grandma! Who was rumoured to be a beautiful woman!) I didn´t think twice and ran straight in to her room. "I have heard about your problems with your little friend". I hated when people called my boyfriend 'my little friend'. "He likes you..". "Of course he does, we will be going to the same university". I felt justified for my part. "Listen to me, don´t make any hasty decisions". Grandma started to tell her story, a story I never thought I would hear from her own mouth. She spoke in a surprisingly relaxed tone of voice that was completely out of this world. Grandma was born in Shanxi, she was the cleverest girl in school and had the nicest handwriting - she had both brains and beauty. She had a dream of going to university. Both Grandad´s and Grandma´s mothers were classmates, so they could hardly avoid trying to matchmake their children. Grandma´s mother was a despot and very active with it. She even arranged a meeting between them. Grandad was 24, Grandma had just turned 16. Grandma didn´t want to get married, she didn´t want to give up her dreams. She acted stubbornly and made faces every time they met. But maybe their marriage was predestined because Grandad persisted in gettting her to marry him despite her efforts to the contrary " Maybe I didn´t frighten him off enough, not that he saw me very often". I couldn´t se see anything but joy in Grandma´s face. Their love-life began as soon as they were married and Grandma started to realize that the arrogant, temperamental man by her side was also an extremely talented, ambitious and endearing young man. How could anyone stand in the way of love once it began to sprout? "Your Grandad joined the army in 1937 where he became head of the theatre-group. We performed the famous play, `The Canon´, for the soldiers in the front. We attracted the enemy´s attention by playing the drums too loud and became a sittng target. But your grandfather was never afraid; he could tackle any difficulty. "He loved the theatre and did eveything he could to promote it", she added tenderly. "He wrote his own manuscripts, he produced and performed; he could play any role save that of the villain because he didn´t want people to hate him". Grandma chuckles and gazes into the distance. There really is such a thing as blind love and that´s a fact. Grandma had her first child - a boy - when she was 18. "I don´t even remember his name. I gave him to a peasant family in a small village so that I could go with the troops. That was 50 years ago - he must be dead now". Grandma has a calm look about her as if she is telling a story, so calm that I am on the verge of tears. She then continues to relate different things, both good and bad, about their lives from the following years. "Grandad gets promoted to Head of the Department of Culture in the Yunnan Province where he earns himself both money and influence; grandma lives a quiet life under his protective wings, rears a family of five and manages to hold down a job as well. Gradually, the romantic feelings at the beginning of their relationship fade with the daily routines of family-life; Grandad has many social obligations, he often comes home drunk in the middle of the night and is constantly surrounded by beautiful young women. We fought a great deal, I forbade him to drink too but in reality....I was jealous". All of a sudden, I begin to see her, not as my grandmother any more but an ordinary woman of flesh and blood. "I started going out to get revenge, went to the park with a group of friends, stopped cooking and looking after the children. Then one day on my way out the door, I heard your mamma cry. My heart missed a beat and a wave of anger came over me. I ran back into the house and saw Grandad standing there with your mother in his arms mumblimg " your mamma is angry, your mamma doesn´t want us..." I felt awful". Grandma sighs and the tears well up in my eyes. "Your grandad drank a lot - it probably had something to do with his paralysis - and we fought. He wouldn´t change but he didn´t want to divorce me either". What´s love all about anyway? "Ah, that´s enough....your grandfather is a good man. My dear child, I don´t mind your having a boyfriend but you should find somebody who loves you and who spends time with you, not somebody like your grandpa". I nod. "I'm coming, I'm coming!". She suddenly gets up and goes into the bedroom. She has heard and understood grandad´s noises. She stands still for a second, po in hand, staring into space before going out to empty it. How can a woman give up 30 of her best years and everything she owns to look after her handicapped husband, a husband she doesn´t even love, and how can she do it voluntarily? The word `regret´is not included in grandma´s vocabulary. This I do not understand. My boyfriend and I went our seperate ways a few months ago at my suggestion. He wanted us to get married, yet he behaved like a dictator, telling me what to do. I am still very fond of him but I am only 19 years old. My life is not going to end with him - it is only just beginning. Translated from Danish to English by Maureen Eriksen
	Kvindernes U-landsudvalg, Borgergade 14, 2. , DK - 1300 København K . Tlf.: 33 15 78 70 Fax: 33 32 53 30 E-mail: kulu@kulu.dk